Tuning in Yet Again to the Lurlene Channel

If you are into really obvious publishing information as well as the return of the disembodied voice, you are in for a treat!



This is, so far, the most boring and pointless offering on the Lurlene Channel. Books get turned in to publishers way ahead of time, Prey is spelled P-R-E-Y, and it's VERY DIFFERENT. Don't worry, you guys, in the near future, I will be recapping it for you, but there are some other titles ahead first.

On LurleneTV: Lurlene's Process

Here it is! The moment you've been waiting for! Lurlene takes us through HER PROCESS!:



I am all embarrassed because when I write, I too start with characters. I'm curious about this, though. Like, when she says she starts with the characters, does she mean she starts with Carrie, perfect child, wants to be stand-up comedian or is it more like CARRIE USED TO HAVE LEUKEMIA, NOW LET ME WRITE TEN PAGES ABOUT BONE MARROW ASPIRATIONS IN PAINSTAKING DETAIL? I'm curious. Where Lurlene is concerned, I feel that plot and character kind of run hand-in-hand and then leap all over the place like an untrained dog.

You guys, it totally freaked me out when that RANDOM DISEMBODIED VOICE asked a follow-up question!! WHO WAS THAT?

Favorite line:

"Right now I'm still just getting -- believe it or not, because I'm almost a quarter done [didn't she just say she was a third done?] -- I'm still kind of dancing with the characters."

One thing I thought about after seeing this, and was also pointed out to me by my friend Stacey, is that when I started this blog, I thought about the fact that Lurlene has, like, fifty books out, and I figured she must use a ghostwriter. But the more I hear her talk, the more I find that kind of unlikely. This is a woman who lives and breathes pro-cess.

Honestly, the thing that strikes me most about these videos so far, is that even though she writes these crazy death books where moms shouldn't work, Lurlene just seems like this regular lady. My roommate Dawn Rochelle said, "she seems like a normal, kooky aunt you’d have, who’d give you paper-maché earrings.” I concur, Dawn Rochelle, I concur.

Tonight on the Lurlene Channel

If you think starting a video with neon blue is enough to set the world afire, you'd sadly be wrong.



Sorry, guys, this is the most boring Lurlene video I've seen thus far. I mean, I don't know how many of you guys write, but basically if you jot down two paragraphs and show them to anyone who doesn't write, they will either ask who you based it on or when it happened to you. UM YOU GUYS I HAVE NEVER HAD CANCER OR BEEN IN A COMA YOU KNOW THIS!

So, like, I totally need to know what teenagers Lurlene's stalking that she thinks her books are realistic. Do you guys know ANY kids who talk the way Lurlene's characters do? Also, like, how creepy is the thought? You're just this normal high-schooler, and then over your shoulder you spot this middle-aged woman jotting down everything you and your friends say, except she's clearly, like, half-assing it and just kind of paraphrasing and summarizing. If you are that teenager, I am so sorry!

Basically I spent the whole video just wondering if Lurlene was gonna throw that apple at me.

Tuning Back into the Lurlene Channel

I hope you guys love neon green!!!!



Oh, man, you guys, so as soon as Lurlene starts comparing her books to her children with regards to the subject of picking a favorite, I was totally waiting for her to say, "so, you know, Sean!"

Alas!

I hesitate to admit this to you guys, because I wouldn't dare yet compare myself to Lurlene (I'm not being snotty, seriously, she's published and I am not, also she tends to FINISH projects whereas I...) but I actually totes get the whole "my favorite is what I'm writing now" thing. I mean, if it's not, how do you get any work done? No, instead you turn into Narcissus, but instead of staring at your reflection all day, you keep paging through your own work while shouting out stuff like "girl, you friggin' rock!" and soon a decade has passed and when people ask about your new projects you have to lie or run away.

So of COURSE Lurlene likes Jodi Picoult and EVEN MENTIONS MY SISTER'S KEEPER which is so effing a grown-up Lurlene book if I've ever read one! I mean, it's heads-and-tails above Lurlene in quality, but, please, it's about a girl with cancer and her family! (Also I really tried to like it, but there are about seventy-two points of view, and it felt like a cheap way out of actually portraying what each of the characters are feeling. WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT THEY'RE FEELING, JODI, OKAY!)

Favorite line from this episode: A TIE!!

"The Harry Potter stuff is very interesting to me."

[on her favorite kinds of books] "Murder mysteries, who-dunnits... real thinking books about figuring it out, because my mind doesn't work that way."

The Lurlene Channel

You guys, I basically made the most awesome discovery ever: Lurlene has her own channel on YouTube. You totally think I'm kidding, right? I mean, you see that that's a link right there, but you almost don't want to click it, because you do not believe the words I'm saying could be accurate.

But, also, you are afraid I'm telling the truth.

The good news is that Lurlene's videos have an average length of about forty seconds, so it didn't take me long to fly right through them. But in case even forty seconds is too long for you to handle, I'm going to take the liberty of blogging these as well.

Let's start with the first video! This one's called "My Son, My Inspiration":



Dude, it's always weird finally seeing an author talk, isn't it? Just like seeing a picture of your favorite radio personalities. Y/N?

Anyways, hello, Lurlene! If I met you I would totally think you were a normal woman, not all weird and disease/death-obsessed at all!

That said, oh MAN. First of all, how the hell much time was she going to devote to Sean's soccer-playing? I mean, sure, go Sean! You totes managed that diabetes! I love that she felt the need to specify indoor AND outdoor soccer. IT MADE MY NIGHT. I expected her to get off on some sort of soccer-playing tangent, but she whipped that under control pretty quickly.

So the thing is, I know Lurlene SAYS she'd give anything, INCLUDING HER CAREER, if only Sean didn't have diabetes? But her tone and facial expressions, to me at least, say otherwise. It's kind of creepy, yeah?

My favorite line: "He's a business man, but he coaches youth soccer, and I'm very proud of him for that." Yeah, because there is nothing good that can come from business!!